LOCAL SQUIRREL REFRESHES SAM.GOV FOR EIGHTH HOUR AWAITING 8(a) PROGRAM HE IS NOT IN

May 21, 2026 | The Less Formal Debriefing

Dash Capital pursues seven set-asides it does not qualify for, ignores 200 it does THE SET-ASIDE LINE. Dash the Squirrel of Dash Capital was observed Tuesday at his desk, refreshing the SBA certification portal once every forty seconds, waiting for the 8(a) Business Development Program to start approving new applicants again. He has been doing this since August. He is not in the 8(a) program. He has never applied. Dash’s desk is buried under printed sources sought notices, sorted by no system anyone can identify, each one stickered with the phrase “HOT LEAD” and a date in 2024. “I just…

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LOCAL PORCUPINE INFORMS SAM HE WILL NOT BE QUOTING A PRICE, NOW OR EVER

May 13, 2026 | The Less Formal Debriefing

Quillby, 61, says new fixed-price rule is “a personal attack on my entire filing system” THE PROPOSAL ROOM — Quillby Pemberton, a porcupine and longtime owner of a three-person professional services firm registered in SAM since the second Clinton term, was found Tuesday on top of a filing cabinet, glaring at a printed copy of an executive order he refused to acknowledge by name. The order, signed April 30, makes fixed-price contracts the default when selling to SAM. Cost-reimbursement contracts now require written justification. The administration cited $120 billion obligated on cost-reimbursement consulting contracts last year as the reason. Quillby…

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