LOCAL SQUIRREL REFRESHES SAM.GOV FOR EIGHTH HOUR AWAITING 8(a) PROGRAM HE IS NOT IN

May 21, 2026 | The Less Formal Debriefing

Dash Capital pursues seven set-asides it does not qualify for, ignores 200 it does

THE SET-ASIDE LINE. Dash the Squirrel of Dash Capital was observed Tuesday at his desk, refreshing the SBA certification portal once every forty seconds, waiting for the 8(a) Business Development Program to start approving new applicants again. He has been doing this since August. He is not in the 8(a) program. He has never applied.

Dash’s desk is buried under printed sources sought notices, sorted by no system anyone can identify, each one stickered with the phrase “HOT LEAD” and a date in 2024.

“I just need 8(a) to open back up and then everything changes,” Dash said, tab one of nineteen browser tabs glowing behind him. “I have seven opportunities. Seven. All 8(a) set-asides. All perfect for me. I just need the program. I just need the application. I just need a minute.”

He has not submitted a proposal in fourteen months.

“I am positioning. This is what positioning looks like. Refreshing the portal is part of positioning.”

The SBA has not processed a new 8(a) application since August. The agency approved roughly 65 firms in all of 2025, a figure that has alarmed the Native American Contractors Association and prompted a 26 percent year-over-year drop in 8(a) awards. SBA officials have said that they are being more thorough with new applicants. Existing 8(a) firms can still pursue 8(a) work. Non-participants cannot.

Dash has interpreted this as a reason to wait.

THE PIVOT

Dash’s advice to other small businesses, delivered while alphabetizing nothing, is to put everything else on hold until the program reopens. He has paused his GSA Schedule renewal. He has stopped responding to RFIs. He has cancelled two teaming calls.

“I do not want to dilute the brand by chasing non-set-aside work,” Dash said, watching a contract opportunity in his actual NAICS code close behind him.

Over 6,000 companies last year did not win a single penny on their GSA Schedule. Dash is not technically one of them yet, because he has not done anything with his Schedule for ten months.

At press time, Dash had opened a new tab to research the HUBZone program. He does not live in a HUBZone.

Editor’s Note: Mr. Dash asked the reporter to hold his place at his desk while he stepped away to look at an unrelated email. He did not return for twenty minutes.

Marjorie Halvers covers the business of selling to SAM for The Less Formal Debriefing. She has personally muted seventeen federal certification acronyms this year.

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